


Is this love?

by MizukiPerry



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Awkward Crush, Awkwardness, Boys In Love, Cute, Drabble, Falling In Love, First Love, Fluff, Holding Hands, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Idiots in Love, Internal Monologue, Love, M/M, Shorter is alive apparently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27217660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizukiPerry/pseuds/MizukiPerry
Summary: Ash realises that the way he feels about Eiji isn't just friendship, and he suddenly wants to hold his hand. Is this what love is?
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 6
Kudos: 145





	Is this love?

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted something fluffy to counteract the unbelievably sad fic I read this morning. Cause guys holding hands is cute.

If you asked Ash when he fell in love with Eiji, he wouldn't be able to tell you. His feelings developed like a slow wave, one that built gradually, where you don't realise it's reached you until you're already halfway submerged. When he realised he was in love, he knew he'd been holding those feelings for a long time.

He just didn't have a word for it.

Love, what was that? Sure he had his gang, but they didn't love him - respect and following orders wasn't love. That was him showing leadership, and they acted out of loyalty. He had his brother, but he left when he was an infant. And when they were reunited, it was duty; Griff was so far gone on that fucking drug, there was no reciprocation of any feelings that he was aware of. Anyone else who pretended to show him any affection were just there to use and abuse him.

No, he didn't know what love was.

So how was he to know that it was love that was making him stare at Eiji's open hand.

Eiji had not noticed. He was busy talking animatedly to Bones and Kong about the different desserts one could eat in Japan, making them salivate with every description. Ash was standing just to the side of them, having paid for their ice cream cones and *had* been listening too.

Until he caught Eiji's smile, which got bigger and happier as he talked about soufflé pancakes. _'Huh, pancakes. Such a cute thing to be so happy about.'_ He already knew that he always wanted Eiji to smile, and would kick the ass of anyone who took that smile away. But this time when he looked, he realised that he didn't feel like that about anyone else. He didn't give a shit about keeping a smile on Alex, Bones or Kong's gormless faces. He liked Shorter but other people upsetting him wasn't his problem - he was a big boy and could take care of himself. Max? Whatever, grandpa. And he certainly didn't think any of them were cute when they got happy about anything.

The more Eiji talked, the more Ash felt drawn to him, and his lovely voice in his broken but very good English. It wasn't just his smile or chatter, he just wanted to be around him, be closer to him than he was with anyone else. _'Don't be stupid Ash'_. He shook his head, and when he reopened his eyes he spotted Eiji's free hand. He broke out in a sweat. Why did he have the sudden urge to hold his hand? He didn't want to touch anyone, so why did he want to do this?

His heart started thumping faster. Shit, is this what love is?

_No. It can't be._

_Shut up Aslan, you don't fall in love. You just, really like this person who expects nothing from you. And who you let comfort you. Who hugs you... And you become putty in their hold... And cheers you up just be being there, and you were quite happy to shoot yourself for him- oh shit I'm in love with him._

_What do I do??_

_Hold his hand you idiot._

_What if he hates it?_

_Why don't you try it and find out??_

He took a breath to silence the internal fight he was having with himself. Then another, and then at the third, quickly reached out and wrapped his fingers around Eiji's. 

The other three went silent. Ash could feel them looking at him, but he'd turned his head away, not looking at anyone, just holding Eiji's hand in his, breathing hard, and face deep red as a tomato with embarrassment. He didn't know what he expected or how he would feel. But he was holding his best friend's hand, and he didn't hate it.

"Ash?"

Ash shyly peered over at the owner of that voice, and all he could see was Eiji's friendly gaze. The same look he always gave him, but this time it felt different because this wasn't happening out of comfort, no one was upset. There was no reason for him to hold his hand, except...

Eiji's eyes softened, and he looked down, blushing slightly. _'What's he doing, why isn't he looking at me? Oh God he thinks I'm crazy, fuck.'_ Then he felt Eiji shift his fingers out of Ash's grip, _'Fuck I've fucked up!'_ , and then interlaced his fingers with Ash's and squeezed, sending a fizzle of excitement, or fear, or both, up Ash's arm and down to his stomach. Ash held his breath and lifted his head to look at him properly.

Eiji was blushing furiously, his eyes searching Ash's for an indication that this was ok, but his expression was one of joy. Joy and...

It was then that he finally grasped the fact that Eiji was never just looking at him as a friend, he was always looking at him with love. Everything he did wasn't out of pity or loyalty. Eiji loved him. No one ever loved him, after everything he'd done to others he didn't think himself worthy of it, no wonder he hadn't noticed before now.

"Finally caught on, huh?" Eiji whispered.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Ash asked him.

"How I tell you you in love with me? You won't believe me. How I tell you I in love with you? You scared when I asked if your down there match up there."

A howl of laughter brought them both crashing back to where they were. In the middle of the street, next to an ice cream stand, in a crowd of people jostling past, with Bones and Kong next to them in fits of laughter.

"Are you still here?!" Ash roared at them, scaring them into silence.

"Ash, <let's go>\- uh, let's go, we talk more at home," Eiji suggested, and still holding hands, they walked on; Ash thumped Bones and Kong as they passed them.

"Ow!"

"Boss!"

"Was that really necessary?" Eiji asked him, looking apologetically at the other two.

"Yes." Ash replied, not looking at the other two. He feigned anger, but in reality, with Eiji's hand in his, the warmth radiating between them, Ash had never felt so elated. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm still not used to writing fluff, constructive crit welcome.
> 
> And if you liked it, kudos and comments always appreciated ^.^


End file.
